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Update: eHarmony to start matching gays and lesbians?!?!
Click
here for the story... and another
one...
and click here for the
eHarmony gay and lesbian website.
eHarmony.com is one of the most well-known dating websites,
secular or Christian, because of their aggressive television advertising.
I have found a lot of information that, when put together,
makes me come to the conclusion that eHarmony.com is not a site for
Christians. The information presented here should make it clear why
I am no longer recommending eHarmony.com. [Dashes (-) were added
to certain words to avoid being misread by search engines as a-d-u-l-t
content.]
"By their fruit you will recognize
them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears
bad fruit. A
good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good
fruit. Every tree that does not
bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus,
by their fruit you will recognize them." -- Matthew 7:16-20
Below you will find information and links to documentation regarding
the facts presented about Neil Clark Warren and eHarmony.com. My
purpose is to give you the information I have gathered, which has
led to my negative recommendation. I suggest you read it carefully
and completely, because the sum of it tells quite a story, I believe.
Note: Bolding has been added by me to highlight certain elements,
and the brackets [ ] indicate my comments. Everything not contained
in brackets comes from the articles and interviews cited.
- May, 2008 - eHarmony promotes one night stands in its newsletter
to members in an article titled, "Navigating the One Night
Stand." The
article gave information on how
singles could engage in appropriate "booty call" (casual
sex) etiquette. Click
here for more information.
- [Here is how Neil Clark Warren described himself in an interview
published by USA Today1]:
"I am a passionate believer," he says, sitting
in the quiet eHarmony headquarters, his
former therapy office, lined with bookshelves holding The Joy of
Sex, volumes of
Freud and everything in between.
But he says his religious beliefs are grounded in humanism
and psychology, and he
often intertwines the two. "I think there is something
very incredible about Jesus. I
don't back away from that. At the same time ... the
public we want to serve is the
world."1
[Here is Merriam-Webster's defintion
of humanism: "a doctrine, attitude, or way of life centered
on human interests
or values; especially : a philosophy
that usually rejects supernaturalism and stresses
an individual's dignity and worth and capacity for self-realization
through reason"4 ]
- [And here is what he says about Christianity in another interview]: "Christian
faith is all about God's great love for people, his attributions
of value and worth. We can take that principle and
move it throughout our 154 employees. We have employees from lots
of different countries and we treat them with great dignity and
respect. We
have as many Hispanics as there are represented in California,
as many African-Americans, as many Asians; we have many people
who would say
they are agnostic or atheist. And we try to treat them as persons
of great value and then encourage them to move that dynamic out
into the world."3
- Warren started eHarmony in 2000 by marketing it primarily
to Christians, promoting it as, "based on the Christian
principles of Focus on the Family author Neil Clark Warren."1
- According to Dr. James Dobson with Focus on
the Family, "When
eHarmony
was in its infancy, we aired several radio programs that introduced
the concepts to our listeners -- and according to Dr. Warren,
that allowed the
organization to get off the ground," he said.
Now, Dobson said, there are some "theological positions" that
differ between the two ministries. He said he regrets
how Warren feels, but accepts
the decision to separate. "I introduced Dr. Warren and
his books -- and eHarmony, more recently -- to our listeners specifically
because he was and
it was decidedly Christian in nature," he stated. "Dr.
Warren is anxious to change that direction. So we will
accept that, we will go our separate
ways -- and we’ll do that with reluctance and regret."2
Warren says he will no longer appear on Dobson's radio show, and
he recently bought
back the rights to the three books Focus on the Family published —Finding
the Love
of Your Life, Make Anger Your Ally and Learning to Live with the
Love of Your Life - so
he can drop Focus' name from their covers. "We're
trying to reach the whole world — people
of all spiritual orientations, all political
philosophies, all racial backgrounds," Warren says. "And
if indeed, we have Focus on
the Family on the top of our books, it is a killer. Because people
do recognize them as
occupying a very precise political position in this society and
a very precise spiritual
position."1
But eHarmony does not reject on the basis of religion; it
has atheists, agnostics and
even Wiccans among customers, he says.
1
[Here's the Merriam-Webster definition of Wiccan: "one
that is credited with usually malignant supernatural powers; especially : a
woman practicing usually black witchcraft often
with the aid of a devil or familiar" And
their defintion of witchcraft: "the use of sorcery or
magic b: communication
with the devil or with a familiar"4 ]
- [Another issue is how questions about why
eHarmony doesn't allow g-a-y and l-e-s-b-i-a-ns to use the service.
Warren's response is typically one of the following (paraphased
by me). "I
have only worked with heterosexual couples, and g-a-y and l-e-s-b-i-a-n
couples are different, so we wouldn't know what to do."1,3 OR "Homosexual
marriages are illegal in most states, and eHarmony.com wouldn't
want to participate in anything illegal."1,3 Why
doesn't he say, "The
Bible says it's a sin?" Why doesn't he say anything about
the fact that it's wrong, unnatural and goes against God's design?
Read on, and I believe you'll understand why.]
- [In a June 10, 2005 interview with Salon.com, we
see more of Warren's perspective on g-a-y-s and l-e-s-b-i-a-ns]:
"Businessmen have approached him and asked for his help
in building a company designed specifically for g-a-y couples. Warren
was proud to tell
me that he advises them to research the kinds of compatibility
that make g-a-y relationships last. 'It did my heart
good that these guys I talked to,
these g-a-y guys, have since said, "Neil Clark Warren was
sympathetic."
That meant the world to me,' he said."3
"Warren is simply too torn on the issue.
When I told him that I found it sad that my g-a-y friends don't have
the opportunity to take advantage of the eHarmony compatibility elixir
of which
he is so proud, he was quiet for some time. "I love the
spirit with which you make that point," he said thoughtfully. "And
we do do a lot of talking
about how we love the idea of being inclusive." He
paused again, sounding slightly shaken. "It's just not an
easy point! We've got thousands of
years of history of the human race in which this was never treated
as a marriage and there are a lot of people who think it's just not
going to have
the same kind of stability over time. Where Focus
on the Family and a lot of these other places come from is that there
are six places in the Bible that say h-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l-i-t-y is
wrong," he
said. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. But then he continued:
'On
the other hand, in the Old Testament if you work on the Sabbath day
and you're guilty then you should be shot.'"3
Far from dismissing h-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l-i-t-y as an aberration, or
suggesting that g-a-y-s are going to hell, Warren brought
up his best friend's daughter, a l-e-s-b-i-a-n who has two children
with her partner. "She's
a dear person to us, and a very strong spiritual person," he
said. "And
when I start seeing things like that, I think we've got to
start to think about that maybe this can work."3
"I literally
would like to at some point put my money where my mouth is and see
research done on it," he said. In the meantime,
he added, "We
have to get
real civil with one another."3
- [In an interview on NPR (National Public Radio) on August 17,
2005, Warren says this about g-a-y and l-e-s-b-i-a-n dating]:
"I have a deep desire for g-a-y-s and l-e-s-b-i-a-ns
to be matched well if they're going to be
together."5
He also elaborates on how he helped some g-a-y-s start a dating
site:
"I had some people come to me who were actually
g-a-y-s, and they
wanted to know how I would advise--that they try to build a site
to do a good job. And I spent a lot of time with them talking
about the need for research, the need to look at what really does
work for g-a-y-s and l-e-s-b-i-a-ns in terms of the couples and
how you develop research instruments that will help them to do
that job well. And
I've tried to be helpful in those ways, but we've
taken the position that right now we don't choose to [match g-a-y-s
and l-e-s-b-i-a-ns]"5
[You can listen to the interview for yourself here.
I purchased a copy of the transcript from NPR to make sure I have
the correct information. What you see here in the two quotes below
is taken verbatim from the transcript, except I substituted "[match
g-a-y-s and l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s]" for
"do that" because it refers to the previously-asked
question.]
- [In the same NPR interview the host, Terry Gross, asks Warren],
"As a Christian, how do you feel knowing that people who
you match through your Web site--a lot of them are likely
to have premarital sex? Does that bother you that you're
kind of enabling people to do that?" [His answer, verbatim
from the transcript, was],
"No. The reason I'm--I have a concern
about premarital sex is because when people get so physiologically
attached to on another, they have a way of not seeing a lot of
the factors in their marriages. I should tell you that, in my opinion,
I've done 512 divorce autopsies. And that's an effort to understand
why did this marriage die? And in about 75 percent of those cases,
the wrong person married the wrong person. And sometimes--and actually
fairly often, people got so turned on to each other on the front
end that they just overlooked all the differences and the problems
in the marriage and so they went ahead and got married."5
[Next question]: "In your divorce autopsies,
did you see the opposite of what you're describing happen where--and
by that I mean, you know, couples abstained from having sex until
they were married but they got married so they didn't have to abstain
anymore and after getting married and engaging in physical relations
they finally realized oops, not compatible there?"
[Warren's Response]: "Yeah, you know, I
have a great amount of empathy for that position. You see, you know
that two or three studies now by Barna & Associates
have shown that Evangelical Christians have a divorce rate that's
as high as atheists and agnostics. That's really sad to me. I mean,
it's--and oftentimes it's because people get married too soon through
the Bible belt and other places where Evangelical Christians tend
to be a little more plentiful. And the reason they get married too
soon is because they want to be sexually involved and they think
that premarital sex is wrong. And so they go ahead and get married
in order to have sex and then marriage doesn't work out. I mean,
that's a tragic consequence to a good intention." 5
[As a Christian, I find these comments shocking and offensive.]
- [The last point ties in with the previous one. eHarmony
has sponsored the television show Sex and the City, which
is currently playing in syndication on TBS. Sex and the City
is a show about four New York City women who sleep around with
many different men. In late March, My wife was changing the channel
and she saw this herself. This was no mistake. The announcer said, "Sex
and the City. Sponsored by eHarmony.com" She was shocked
and told me and I immediately went to the TBS website to check
it out. Sure enough, the eHarmony sponsorship was listed on the
Sex and the City Web page. Click
here for
a screen shot from the Sex and the City Web page on the TBS.com
website showing eHarmony's sponsorship.]
I believe all the information presented here to be accurate and true.
I am not
responsible for the information quoted from the sources cited,
which is nearly all of the information presented. If you find something
here to be inaccurate, please contact
me and I will attempt to verify the information and change it, if
necessary.
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